Throwback Thursday: Finding The Light
Originally published in 2018 on Medium, Finding The Light was an essay highlighting my recovery after a mental health crisis in the same year. Please click through for the article, and then read below for 10 things I’ve learned since writing that piece.
“2018 saw the highest record of suicides of service members since record keeping began in 2001. We lost 325 of our fellow brothers and sisters in arms and moving into 2019, I was acutely aware of my internal tally ticking. Every news story was another reminder of the uphill battle some of us are climbing to be the best Soldiers, Airmen, Marines, and Sailors we can be, while suffering from a various number of mental health afflictions. Sixty of those service members were active duty Air Force. December 19th, 2018 represents the day I sought assistance in not being number 61.”
10 Things I’ve learned since Finding The Light
1. Healing isn’t linear
Sometimes we face setbacks and triggers in our mental health journey and it’s okay. It doesn’t mean we’re losing forward progress, or that we’re failing in any way. It’s just a moment in time where are symptoms are in overdrive. We are still under control. And sometimes those perceived setbacks are just our mind and body feeling healed and safe enough to uncover and address another trauma.
2. Everyone’s journey is different
Comparison is the thief of joy. Your process will not be the same as your neighbors, and that is okay. Don’t get caught up in wondering who may be doing better, or moving through the woods of mental health issues faster than you. Your journey is your own.
3. Grounding is essential
Grounding techniques are coping methods to help you recover from things like panic attacks, distressing memories or emotions, and PTSD flashbacks. There are lots of techniques out there for you to try, but a personal favorite of mine is the 5-4-3-2-1 Method.
“Working backward from 5, use your senses to list things you notice around you. For example, you might start by listing five things you hear, then four things you see, then three things you can touch from where you’re sitting, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.”
4. All mental health professionals aren’t created equal
One of the most important things about being the treatment is being able to have a therapist that understands you at your core as a human being in your identity. For me, that looked like having a Black woman on my treatment team. It not only eased my mind, but saved me from a lot of explanation of cultural and social intricacies in my sessions. Black people’s distrust in medical institutions, and the weaponization against us for having mental health conditions, makes seeking help very difficult. Resources like Therapy for Black Girls and Therapy for Black Men aim to combat the stigma and increase accessibility for our demographic.
5. Don’t ignore your intuition
If something doesn’t feel right, take action. See a new doctor if you’re uncomfortable with your current. Request new medication if your side effects seem to be doing more harm than good. Develop a safety plan so that you have a fail safe if you find yourself slipping again. Listen to your gut, because it’s likely trying to save you from a crisis.
6. Feeling a full rang of emotions is normal
In the beginning of my recovery I used to view sadness as a plague that I had to fight away. Through time (and lots of group sessions) I learned that I had to lean in to my full range of emotions so that I would become acquainted with what normal felt like. Emotions associated with depression can feel crippling, but a lot of those emotions are healthy in moderation. I do not have to be afraid of sadness because sadness will come and go situationally. Like the other day, my daughter told me I was lazy, and that made me extremely sad. I realized though that she is very young and likely had no clue exactly what it means to say something like that. Furthermore, as the adult working full time and doing everything for her, I simply know it’s not a true statement. I was able to process and release that emotion quickly and in a healthy manner.
7. Prioritize hobbies
Do you have a hobby? If not, get one. If so, let me know what it is in the comments! My hobbies are writing, skating, and binge watching fantasy films and television. Hobbies keep your mind busy and also help boost the happy chemicals in your brain.
8. You are more important than a job
We all have to provide for ourselves and our families but there is no work center on this earth that is more important that your life. If it is draining you to the point of not wanting to be here anymore. Quit. You will find new employment, I promise.
9. Take your meds
This sounds simple, but it can be so hard. Mental health brains can be forgetful, so set a timer! Help yourself be successful on this journey. Also, know that medication is your friend. There are amazing ways to help your mental health in natural ways, but medicine helps significantly and simply is what is necessary for a lot of people.
10. People do care
I think at the base of it all, is knowing that lots of people care. Even when you think you’re alone, know that it’s statistically improbable for that to be fact (8 billion people on earth, I guarantee there is someone). My journey in mental health has shown me that there is a large community of people that want to see us win these battles. We just need to keep having the conversations and expanding our networks of help so that no one goes untouched. Everyone should have the opportunity to find their light.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I revisit this a lot because it’s a reminder of how far I’ve come. Hopefully keeping things updated can serve as an opportunity to reach more people that may be in need.
“Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.”